Cast of Characters

Bro: My brother, obviously. He’s 23, a senior majoring in graphic design, and one of my best friends.

Mom & Dad: Pretty self-explanatory. Still married, drive me crazy sometimes, but good people.

Grandma: My 83 year old maternal grandmother. She’s crazy, but amazing and I wish I was more like her. Despite being 83, she still lives alone, drives all over the place, is totally self-sufficient, and is really active in community politics. You can blame her for me being such a flaming liberal.

Ace: 21, my best friend that I’m not related to. We met online a few years ago, but that doesn’t really make a difference. She’s amazing. I used to be totally in love with her, but I’ve worked it out, and the fact that it hasn’t been weird between us is yet another reason why she’s my best friend. Frequently talked about in conjunction with E and Shan, two of my other very close online friends. E’s 24 and a PhD student in Bio Anthropology; Shan’s 36, married to MW and a mother of two boys, Genius 1 and Genius 2 (G1 and G2), 7 and 5, and teaches college level English. We might all come from totally different walks of life, but it works. We do a weekly e-mail known as the Friday Five that might get mentioned from time to time. We met because of Law & Order: SVU, but none of us really watch it anymore.

Court & JW: Friends from high school. Court and I have been friends since elementary school, but didn’t become close until 10th grade. JW moved to our district when we were juniors and she joined the group. JW is starting at my college in the fall, after transferring, and Court goes to school on the other side of the state, up in the area around Fort Drum.

The Fake Fam: My parents’ best friends’ family. Fake-Dad (FD) is early 50s, a contractor, and the father of three girls. His wife, Fake-Mom, died when I was 16 from cancer (she was my mom’s best friend/my godmother), and he’s been dating Lor for two years. Fake-Sis #1 (FS1) is 26, married to Dipshit, mother of my fake-nephew, Spike, who was born in November 2007 and is my favorite kid ever. FS2 is 23, due to have her first kid in September and living with her much older boyfriend, T1 who is also the dad to her psuedo step kids, T2 [boy, 17] and T3 [girl, 14]. FS3, the youngest, is 21 and hung out with Court and JW and I a lot in high school. She and I have our differences, but we’re working through them. Has a boyfriend, Jay, who is 23 and a friend of Dipshit’s, and shows up from time to time. He, unlike Dipshit, is kind of cool.

Roof: 21 and my best friend at college. He and I are in a ton of the same clubs and organizations, he’s also a Poli Sci major, and we basically fight like we’re married. He’s a sarcastic asshole, but despite his sometimes asshat-ish tendencies, he’s probably the only straight man I’m not related to that I’ll ever love. Often shows up in conjunction with Mini Me, a freshman who I’m training to be my successor in many of my organizations, Steve, Mini Me’s gay best friend, and The Dictator, a mutual friend of mine and Roof’s who just graduated and is leaving for Law School. We like to call him the gay Mussolini, but that has such a negative ring to it.

AP & BL & DL: Three of my favorite professors and my advisers for my majors/minor. AP is an incredible writer, and all three of them are even more incredible as teachers, and I basically worship the ground they walk on. AP is also my internship supervisor, and I work for BL as an office assistant, so they’ll show up quite a bit.

Chels & Hil & Ro: Three of my other friends at school who frequently show up together. Chels is my age and we hang out all the time. Hil’s ridiculously brilliant and is two years younger than me but the same level of school. Ro is a nontraditional student and the mother of an 8 year old boy and a 2 year old girl and I think she’s incredible. All three are crazy feminists like me and we frequently have classes/clubs together.

The Lesbian Posse: Although slightly defunct at the moment, it’s my group of gay girl friends. Risa and SH used to date, but broke up recently. Risa and I are still really good friends (have been since we lived in the dorm freshman year), but it’s caused a bit of a rift between me and SH. Mac (19) has taken SH’s side, mostly, and it drives me crazy, but I try to spend time with both of them so things don’t get too weird between all of us. Jax is basically MIA a good portion of the time now, but when she’s around, she’s the resident butch and a total player and always fielding phone calls/text messages from eight or nine different girls.

The Girl: 23. Joined the Lesbian Posse late in the game, so she doesn’t do group stuff with us often (as we don’t usually anymore anyway). She and I have been . . . hanging out? She’s really funny and sweet, but kind of clingy. She’s deaf, and plays hockey. I like her, but I’m not sure where this is going. She’s teaching me ASL.

Mrs. D & Gibs & Mrs. M: Three of my high school teachers I’m still really close with. Gibs taught history, the other two taught English, and you can blame them for my formation into the person I am now. I consider them to be my fairy godmothers, or the patron saints of fucked up teenage girls. They basically saved my life, figuratively and literally, more times than I can count since I was 14. I love them to death.


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